Tana Ramsay, 49, wife of celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay, 56, endured a miscarriage before the couple welcomed sons Oscar, five, and eight-month-old, Jesse.
Tana openly shared how Oscar inquires about “his brother in the sky” and discusses how she and Gordon will always carry the weight of the tragedy.
Seven years later, she revealed that she still wonders if she could “have done something differently”.
Speaking to hosts Lorraine Candy and Trish Halpin on the Postcards from Midlife podcast, Tana said: “I still suffer so much guilt. Did I, should I have known something? Should I have done something differently?
“It’s one of those things that some days you’re absolutely fine, and you can justify it.”
She continued: “Other days, for some reason, whether it’s because you’re overtired or something triggers you, I can have a day where I just feel really emotional.
“You don’t expect to be holding a baby knowing they won’t last more than an hour. That is always gonna be something I can never, never get over.”
The longtime couple also share Megan, 26, twins Holly and Jack, 24, and Tilly, 22.
“Even Oscar now talks about Rocky, his brother in the sky or his star. And he’ll come out with things like, ‘I really don’t like him being there. Why can’t he just come here?'” she continued.
Tana added: “One of the hardest times actually was after I had Oscar, and he must have been about three weeks old.
“And I had a day where I felt so emotional. I think it was the guilt that I didn’t think that I felt enough about Rocky because I’ve been excited with a new baby.
“And that threw me, and I remember Gordon saying to me, it was always going to hit you like this now, because we’ve been so in this bubble.
“And then suddenly you think, I felt unfair that I hadn’t sort of been thinking enough or sad.
“You can never know what’s around the corner with grief, and we’ve never had anything like that.”
Last year, Gordon openly reflected on the tragic loss of his son Rocky, acknowledging that it was “really tough.”
However, he emphasised that despite the pain, the loss ultimately brought his family “closer together”.
For support and information relating to miscarriage, call 01924 200799 or visit miscarriageassociation.org.uk
